Not goodbye. See you later. I hope.

(I apologize but due to technical difficulties, I was unable to post this until I was home. By the way, home is very noisy...)

So. When we signed up for this, I really worried that two weeks might be way too long. Turns out I should have worried it wouldn't be long enough. All I know is that India has become a part of me. I'm definitely leaving a huge piece of my heart here. And India will forever accompany me wherever I am in the world. Amazing.

Today was a crazy one. We got up and went first thing to one of the larger colonies. We weren't involved with any hands-on care this time. They had medical students and doctors there for consults. Our jobs were to go to the village pre-school and play with the kids, walk around the village, knocking, encouraging patients to come to the clinic, and then give the patients who needed help getting there, assistance. We all descended on the pre-school first, and I think we really overwhelmed the kids. They just stared at us with those beautiful dark eyes. I don't think they'd ever seen so many white people at once before. Most of them warmed up to us as we pulled out the crayons, paper and nail polish. Annie was magic with the kids. She danced with them, caught them as they came down the slide ending with a magnificent twirl! They all wanted a turn Their smiles brighten the world! I felt "extra", so I decided to walk up the road to see if there was something else I could do. I was praying for guidance. Out of the corner of my eye, a man started waving and calling to me. I stopped and went to him as he shuffled down the hill with his cane. He looked to me to be well into his 80s -- at least. But you never know. Life has been difficult for these people, and has weathered them in very specific ways. Many of his toes were missing, as well as part of his foot. Shortening tendons in his hands were pulled his fingers back. His eyes were white with cataracts -- but he saw me. He pointed his cane to the clinic. So we walked 30 or 40 yards down the road together. He was squeezing my hand hard, grunting and shuffling. I got him up the steps to the clinic (yes, steps -- I was longing for a ramp for these people), and took him to the first station where they took down his name and gave him a paper. He squeezed my hand tighter, and it was obvious he didn't want me to leave. So I stayed close. He handed me the paper, and I walked him to the next station, where we found a chair for him to sit down in. He still held tight to my hand. So I stood by his side until it was time for him to move on to the next step -- consultation. I smiled and waved good-bye. He put his hands in praying position (cane still in hand) and nodded his head in thanks. Such a tender mercy.

Everything was running smoothly in the clinic, so a few of us volunteers decided to go a ways down the road to a rest home for leprosy patients. It's next to the art school where we purchased some paintings, many of which were painted by these patients. Very cool. We entered the women's side first, where there were three women sitting on their beds. One woman at the far end of the room, was waving a fan made of woven leaves. Her wide eyes brightened as she waved us over, and, one by one, fanned us. She wanted to serve us. So kind. So sweet. A beautiful gift.

What next? Impromptu dance party! Erin, the volunteer coordinator, had brought a laptop and a set of speakers with her. Vicky, the Life Dance director (who is also working for a masters degree in dance therapy) started dancing with them. They began imitating her, as their smiles grew. Nothing like dance to bring a smile to your face :-) All of us volunteers joined in. We were all reaching for the ceiling and twisting our torsos, as did the patients from a seated position on their beds. It was so much fun! Their smiles were contagious. We took the party into the lobby in hopes we could coax some of the men out from their side of the facility. We got two takers, and it was beautiful! One man had great musicality. Loved it! Just such a unique and fun experience. We left them all still smiling, and perhaps a little exhausted.

When we made our way back to the clinic, it was time to pack everything into the van, and get ready to head back. It is quite a process. Everyone just jumps in and helps. Nobody ever just stands around waiting to be asked to do something. Annie has commented several times that though we are working hard, it just doesn't feel like work. Everything about it just amazes me. First of all, I can't believe we're here doing what we're doing. That there is a need for this in this day and age astounds me. That there is an organization so aware, organized, and involved gives me great hope. They provide medication, wound care, shoes for feet that can't walk, sunglasses for eyes that can't close. But perhaps most importantly, they provide personal and physical touch, that gives comfort and worth to these beautiful people who have suffered so much -- and hope that perhaps their families won't ever have to suffer in the same ways.

Well, finally it came time for our last playtime. I couldn't get my dancing friends to risk dancing in public. Maybe next time :-) There wasn't a lot of activity for me. They mostly wanted to talk with me on the green bench and I think connect one last time before I left. They are used to saying goodbye to the volunteers. It seemed easier for them than for me. I have grown to love these kids so very much. Thank you my beautiful friends!

After our final prayer time, we made our way to the dining hall where we lingered a little longer than usual. They sit in circles with their families to eat. But one by one, they popped up to say goodbye. One last hug. One last picture. One last kiss on the cheek. I blew kisses as we finally tore ourselves away, and smiled through my tears all the way back to our home away from home where our dinner was waiting for us. After dinner, we all took turns sharing what we had learned during our time there, and what we were taking home with us. Gratitude and hope were the common thread.

As we say goodbye to India (or hopefully -- see you later), I am filled with a profound gratitude. I'm grateful for Annie who, over a year ago, said she wanted to do something hard -- something that mattered. She wanted to be stretched. How grateful I am she wanted me along for the ride. From that day almost 20 years ago when I was privileged to hold her in my arms for the first time, there has been a peaceful strength about her. She came into the world to teach. And that she has. How I have loved watching her quietly reach out and find kindred spirits -- it was if they recognized and remembered each other. Thank you my beautiful girl.

I'm grateful for each of the volunteers I had the distinct privilege to serve with. They each taught me in their own unique way. They all contributed specific gifts tailor-made for those they came in contact with. They left a permanent imprint on the hearts of many -- from the children, to the patients in the colonies. Thank you for your beautiful examples of living outwardly.

I will forever remember the sparkle in the beautiful dark eyes of the children. Their openness inspired and touched me, and will continue to do so. These are children who have shouldered burdens on those tiny frames that few on the face of the earth have ever, or will ever have to bear. They carry with them a humility, clarity, and perspective that is truly remarkable. They have much to do. I know they will change their own piece of the world in ways that only they can. It doesn't seem fair that I was placed in a part of the world that is, in comparison, so safe and crazy stupid easy. But there is no doubt they are rising to the challenges they face. They are being given tools that will provide them with the independence and freedom to lay hold on those God-given gifts to accomplish the things they were sent here to do. They possess profound depth. They are strong. They are resilient. They inspire me. They bring me joy. They give me hope.

To have the gift and honor of reaching out and touching those considered to be untouchable -- a sacred gift. They touched my very soul with the gratitude in their often clouded and open eyes, their praying hands of heartfelt thanks, the remarkable gift of a grateful smile, their indomitable spirit and ability to press forward and persevere in the face of unspeakable loss -- they are the very definition of dignity and grace. I have never felt this kind of gratitude.

Not goodbye. See you later. I hope.

Dancing isn't playing.

Say what?! Okay, so after the hospital trip, we made it back to Rising Star, and I was so excited for playtime! We were going to finish the dance I'd been teaching them. Well, I think there was a little power struggle, because some girls from another hostel were wanting to join us. Suddenly things erupt in Tamil, and cute Devi excuses herself to wash her face. I asked the girls what just happened. They were telling me to ask the hostel warden for permission to dance in their room. I'm thinking we weren't supposed to be doing what we'd been doing all week? Well, I did ask the warden, and she said play time was for getting fresh air. I said, ok, let's go dance on the grass. But the warden said no. Play time is for play time. Dance class is for dance. But I've gotta say, I feel like I'm playing every time I dance! I'm thinking tomorrow, we might be getting fresh air on the playground while moving in freakishly tandem rhythmic motion ;-)

They look. They write. Two minutes. Done.

Wow, what a day, today was medical again. But we didn't go to a colony. That will be tomorrow. Instead, we took five boys, and five leprosy patients to the hospital to receive treatment that the clinic here can't provide. I was lucky enough to get to take care of Joseph. He is sixteen, and in 10th Standard. He is in Life Dance, and we had already connected as we talked about dance. He wants to learn to tap. We've talked about Singin' in the Rain and Step Up. He lights up whenever he talks about dance. Love him!

We talked about life. As I said before, last week's Prayer Time was on self-esteem. This week it is on humility. He said he was confused. Last week you told me to be proud. This week you are telling me to be humble. It doesn't make sense. So I told him that a good self-esteem wasn't about pride, but about knowing who you are, what your gifts are, being grateful for them, and choosing to develop and share those. I asked, what if someone came up to you and told you were a very good dancer, and you said, no I'm not. Do you think that's humility? He said that he did this all the time. I told him that it was alright to just say thank you. And to be grateful that God blessed him with such a beautiful gift, and teachers to help him develop and share that gift. We talked about being honest in our assessment of ourselves, but also giving credit to those who helped get us there. I told him that a prideful person would say, I know I'm a good dancer, and I'm a lot better than you! But a humble person would simply say thank you. He thanked me and said he had this question and was so confused, but that now he had the answer. Such a string and peaceful person. He is the president of Life Dance. He was voted in, but he was hesitant to take the position, because he had been president last year. Vicky, the Life Dance director told him he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to. But he decided that if that's what they wanted, he would do it. I pointed out that he was a humble leader. He said, no I am not humble. I said, only a humble person would say they weren't humble. He just smiled and shook his head. Just so dear.

He also told me of a man who traveled hundreds of miles by wheelchair. I was astonished, and said, wow! he must have really strong arms! He said no, not arms, but will. He has strong will! I love his perspective. This is his last year here, and he is heartsick. He says he wants to be a better student and finish strong. I told him if he had a strong will like the man in the wheelchair, he could do whatever he wanted. He smiled and nodded. We probably talked for two hours straight. I could easily have gone two more. I love how his mind works!

The entire time we talked, we were in a big waiting room, waiting to see the dermatologist. He has a skin condition that needed attention. Some bumps and skin discoloration. He told me about his father who has leprosy. Come to find out, he was very worried about his skin condition, wondering if it was leprosy because of his father. There are definitely genetic markers with leprosy. They called us in, took a look at him, said it was a fungus, the condition would go away quickly, and the light spots would correct themselves within six months to a year. They gave him a prescription, and sent us on our way. He looked at me, smiled and said, they look, they write, two minutes, done! So simple, but so scary. It really brought home to me the stark reality these kids are dealing with every day. Sobering. I will never forget today and the great privilege of talking with my remarkable friend, Joseph.

Marbles on the rooftop at dinner...

I'm completely exhausted! I even woke up tired! I think it's the heat yesterday and today. I've grown accustomed to the temperature and humidity. In fact, I rather enjoy it. I'm thinking I probably just need more water. All day Long I kept giving myself a pep talk. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming :-) (any Finding Nemo fans out there?)... And I did.

The day started with UKG. They are so much fun! We started in the dining hall singing songs. Popcorn Popping, Once There Was a Snowman, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Old MacDonald Had a Farm (elephants, tigers, snakes, crocodiles, lions, turtles, fish -- apparently, Old MacDonald moved to India! Who knew?!), Baby Shark, The Princess Pat, Our Father, and to finish, Banana! Krishna snuggled up to me the whole time while Moosa nestled into Annie. I just want to take them home with me! I'm really going to miss these kids and this place. It has become a part of me in ways I didn't expect. It has become a part of me. Two weeks aren't nearly enough! So sad to be leaving Friday morning. Can't believe it's almost over.

We followed UKG to the computer room and helped them with shapes and colors programs. They did  really well. I helped Krishna. He's a wiggly little guy, but he knew what he was doing. They were soaking it all up like sponges! Especially the praise they received when they succeeded. You've seriously never seen such huge smiles!

Then on to 1st Standard where spent time with three different kids, one at a time in twenty minute intervals. They could choose to read (we had chosen four different books from the library to share), color, and/or make shapes with Popsicle sticks. One little guy switched names with a friend on me. He couldn't do it for long, though, and had to come clean. Lots of fun.

On to the library where we did more of the same with 2nd Standard. Again, just delightful! (Still telling myself to keep swimming ;-)) It was a warm day in the school, and there are fans, but no AC. But again, didn't really feel it except for the exhaustion.

4th Standard was next. They either wanted to play chess. Now, Daddy tried to teach me how to play chess, but it just went over my head. I'm learning how to play chess in India from 10 year olds! Crazy. We broke for lunch -- a much needed re-fueling.

We had about 40 minutes, and then back to the library for 8th Standard. My friend Devi was in that class, and she taught me how to play chess in a very simple and succinct way. I understand it now. My strategy isn't the best, but that will come with time. She was so patient. A very good teacher. As she walked out, she reminded me of our 3:00 appointment for our dance class.

Finally, 6th Standard made their way to the library. More chess with Monica. She beat me soundly. More beautiful smiles, and school was over. Long, gratifying day.

But no rest for the wicked. Dance lessons! We stretched and moved and caught some new girls up on the dance steps. They asked me if i could do the splits. they said, "All?" i said, "Yes." they said, "Show!" So i did, and they all broke into hysterical laughter. I asked them what was so funny, and they were chattering in Tamil. Nagesh translated and said, "We cant believe a Grandma can do splits!" I got a kick out of that! They then  said, "You dance full!" They watched wide-eyed. Not sure if they were impressed or horrified. Perhaps a little of both? We danced until 6:00, and it was Prayer Time. I was in Boys 2. We're talking about humility this week. Interesting subject for kids who really are very humble. And I'm not talking about living circumstances per se, but real honest to goodness humility. They watch out for each other. They are, for the most part, kind and gentle with each other. When I asked them what a humble person would do, words like respectful, kind, friendly, grateful, and happy. I had an opportunity to talk with Vijay. He is one of the older boys. He had an FHE lesson book of all things, and had it open to Humility. It talked about not being self-deprecating. We talked about what that was, and that it was alright to honestly assess yourself and just say thank you if someone complimented you. Honesty is important. It was interesting. I think he understood.

We walkedeveryone to the dining hall where we exchanged our goodbyes until tomorrow. We made our way to the Elephant House, carried the evening meal to the covered rooftop. No sooner did we make it under the cover of the roof, than the sky seemed to drop a bag of marbles on top of the roof. Seriously! Out of nowhere -- a huge rainstorm that brought wind and rain for about ten minutes. India. What a remarkable place!

No words, cont.

I don't know what just happened. Everything froze up, so I just posted "No Words" and am continuing here. Messing with my flow here! I'll try to make sense...

Helping someone struggling to balance to a chair. A simple touch on the shoulder is no small thing.

One woman pointed to her incredibly swollen knee and made a breaking gesture with her hands. She then lifted her sari to show me her other leg, and to my surprise, there was a prosthesis there. She made a motorcycle motion. Best I could make out is she had been hit by a motorcycle, lost one leg, and broke the other. I commented to Klorisa (medical coordinator) about the prosthetic. She said that Rising Star has been able to help in so many ways. All of the patients have special walking shoes, all provided by Rising Star. One woman came in on a four wheeled platform that sat just a few inches off the ground. She didn't have feet that I could see. She pushed herself on and off as needed and rolled around in between. Huge smile on her face.

I couldn't help but wonder which children at Rising Star were connected to these people. One woman smiled and put her hand out to the side to indicate a small child. I'm pretty sure she was telling us she was connected to a child at Rising Star. I wonder who...

At one point, I looked over at Annie sitting at the blood pressure station. We locked eyes and shared a tearful smile behind our masks. So much heartache. So much help. No words, but volumes spoken in a glance, a smile, and a gesture of praying hands. So very grateful. 

No words

As I went to bed last night anticipating going to the colonies, I prayed fervently that my hands could be his hands. I know that Christ suffered for these people. He knows their pain. He knows what they need. I prayed for the strength and compassion to provide that. I had no idea what to expect. Other than changing Annie's "tubie" dressing when she had leukemia,  I have had zero experience with wound care other than a bandaid and a kiss. That wouldn't be enough, and I felt woefully inadequate. But the other thing I am acquainted with is the enabling power of the atonement. I knew if I asked for his help, it would be provided, and my capacity to serve would be increased.  All I knew is that I wanted to treat these people with dignity and compassion. I wanted them to feel loved, seen, and touchable from the inside out.

The colony we visited was called Bethel Nagar. At most, there would be 35. I didn't count, but I'll bet we only saw between 15 and 20. We arrived and set up in the little town hall. It was exceptionally hot and humid today. We unloaded the medical van which included tables, chairs, stools, bandages, washing tubs, scissors, blood pressure cuff, supplies to test blood sugars, eye drops, medication, medical records, gloves, masks, antiseptic and metal urns to hold clean water. I don't think I left anything out. Bear with me as I share this whole process. There's a lot of information. Annie greeted the patients, took their blood pressure, and tested blood sugar if needed, then sent them for a consult with the doctor. He then sent them to me for bandage removal and washing. We were all double gloved and masked, and would change the top layer after each process. They would first place their foot in a u-shaped device to prop up their foot. Then I would cut the top layer of the bandage near the knot, immediately cleaning the scissors with alcohol before unraveling the bandage. I helped them to the next chair and removed the top layer of gloves. I prepared for the washing by first putting some sterile cloths for cleaning in my lap along with a blue surgical room bootie to put on their foot/feet once everything was cleaned. Next, I filled the washing tub with enough water from the metal urn to cover the affected areas, and added a capful or two of antiseptic depending on how much water was needed. They would soak for two to three minutes. I noticed a lot of caked on mud, most likely from the rain storms, so some needed more time than others. I would trickle the water and massage their shins and calves while they soaked. Then I would lift their for from the water, and scrub as much as I could by hand, and then clean more deeply into the wounds with one cloth, dry their foot with the other cloth, put on the bootie, and send them to the next station -- oiling. To prepare for the next patient, I walked with the tub of used water about thirty yards to a field, and emptied the tub. Before I returned to my station, there was a tub of clean water with a cup in it for rinsing, and another tub of antiseptic water for sterilizing. And my process would begin again. Midway through our visit, Annie came to do bandage removal. She was a trooper!

Perry was in charge of oiling. She would apply oil to her gloves, and massage any area with whole skin. Some of them would need their toenails clipped. Those who had toes only had a few at most. Their tendons have pulled back, and so the remaining toes are shortened and often kind of piled one on top of the other. Clipping the toenails was a difficult task, but Perry was awesome. She is 17 years old and is here with her friend Rebekah, who is 15, and Bekah's brother Blair who is 18. I am so impressed with these kids. Remarkable. After Perry was finished, she sent them to wound care where the dead skin was cut away, cleaned even more, and then re-bandaged. Heather, a volunteer who is a physical therapist for older patients in Hawaii has put together a series of exercises to help them with circulation and flexibility. Today was her first shot at trying it. She did great! I really think it will be a wonderful addition to increasing wellness if they will do it. As you can imagine, self care isn't high on their list of priorities. They weren't to be touched by anyone -- no one else cared, why should I? But Rising Star is trying to help change that. Hopefully they will take it in. The final station was eyedrops and medication. Quite a process.

So there you have all the nuts and bolts. Now for some of the connecting. There was one woman who was in quite a bit of pain. There was a language barrier, but I found you don't need words. Eye contact and a smile speaks volumes as does a touch or a helping hand to a chair. Many patients had no toes, which makes it tough to balance

Sunday Learning

This morning, I woke up early to get wrapped up in my sari, but got some of my breakfast on it, so I just wore  chuddadar and pants. They finished a building just two hears ago. it is a beautiful building in Chennai. before that, they met in a basement down the road. They alternate those Rising Star kids who want to come -- girls one week, boys the next. They really do keep the boys and girls separated here in India. It was a great meeting. There was a young woman who spoke on Personal Progress and what it means to her. She said it has taught her that she is a daughter of God, and she has a glorious purpose. She said that the program has helped her strengthen her testimony, learn more about the Savior, and prepare her for her future endeavors, both spiritual and temporal. She felt that Personal Progress has helped her develop all of the attributes in Alma 7:23-24: being humble, patient, submissive, easy to be entreated, being grateful, having faith, hope and charity. She quoted Alma 37:6 "...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass..." Personal Progress teaches line upon line, precept upon precept that add up to increasing a young woman's confidence in herself and in her Savior. Here at Rising Star this year, the "theme" is "Little and Mighty". What we are ding here may not be huge by many standards, but there are mighty changes happening in these children's lives. She did a wonderful job. Then Krishna, one of the young men from Rising Star, spoke on the Duty to God program, and how it has taught him how to be a man. A man of God. He said he had never spoken in church before, and that he was nervous and hoped to do a good job. He did. The Spirit was so sweet. These youth are going to make some changes. And finally,  Nery Ralon (construction coordinator) spoke on tithing. He's 24 years old, and served a mission in Paraguay. He has been serving in the Young Men's Presidency for the three months he's been here. He is leaving Thursday, and was released today. He said something that I loved. He said he hoped that we would be able to feel the Spirit. That what he had to say really didn't matter much. But that what was important was that we had an experience with the Spirit. That we were able to feel God's love and guiding influence in our lives. Loved that! It really was a great meeting. The members here are humble, they live simply and faithfully. So grateful for the experience.

We came back after stopping at the store for provisions for the coming week. It was a relaxing evening filled with conversation and catching up on emails and such.

Tomorrow, Annie, Jennie, Perry and I will go wit Klorisa (medical coordinator) to the leprosy colonies. I anticipate it will be a whole different kind of powerful. Something we talked about with Kim the other day is being careful to to use the term "leper", But leprosy affected patients. They are not their disease. These are real people dealing with a very difficult disease. Not just physically, but emotionally. Throughout history, they have been known as the "untouchables". Perry commented that it would be like saying, "We're going to the hospital to visit the "cancers". An important distinction, and definitely food for thought...